Editor’s note: I know the author of this blog (he is not me), and I can assure
you that he has confided in me (I am not him), that this is indeed real
(we both know what is real).
Seriously though this is a truthful account as best as I can remember. Also it
helps if you do the Law & Order “DUN DUN” thing in your head before each section.
| YEAR: |
1982 |
| AGE: |
10 |
| LOCATION: |
Best friends living room |
| RESOURCES: |
Atari 2600; Yars’ Revenge cartridge; milk refills |
| ATTIRE: |
Horizontal striped turtleneck, matching light blue Toughskins cords |
| MISSION: |
Beat Yars’ Revenge |
| RESULT: |
Mission failed; friendship maintained; blisters |
| NOTES: |
Yar can suck it |
| YEAR: |
1983 |
| AGE: |
11 |
| LOCATION: |
Strip mall arcade |
| RESOURCES: |
5 dollar bill; half pack Big League Chew |
| ATTIRE: |
Horizontal striped turtleneck; matching light blue Toughskins cords |
| MISSION: |
Spend wad; win games; look cool; avoid inevitable dork move |
| RESULT: |
Mission failed; wad spent; games lost; coolness unachievable; dork move successful |
| NOTES: |
Got on the leader board of Food Fight once |
| YEAR: |
1985 |
| AGE: |
13 |
| LOCATION: |
Spare room |
| RESOURCES: |
Atari 800XL; BASIC cartridge and manual; limited patience |
| ATTIRE: |
Over-sized black button down; bright red cuffed pants; knock-off Air Jordans |
| MISSION: |
Create my own game |
| RESULT: |
Mission failed; rendered single line in 4 hours; high level cursing; surrender |
| NOTES: |
If only I had stuck with it |
| YEAR: |
1991 |
| AGE: |
19 |
| LOCATION: |
University of Massachusetts Amherst |
| RESOURCES: |
NES; Legend of Zelda cartridge; bong |
| ATTIRE: |
LL Bean rugby shirt; kakis |
| MISSION: |
Complete Zelda |
| RESULT: |
Mission accomplished; classes avoided; bad tone set for future |
| NOTES: |
On completion the game reset with new locations, then crashed and wiped |
| YEAR: |
2001 |
| AGE: |
29 |
| LOCATION: |
Trailer home living room |
| RESOURCES: |
Playstation; Final Fantasy 7 CD; cats |
| ATTIRE: |
Least dirty option |
| MISSION: |
Do all the things in FF7 |
| RESULT: |
Mission accomplished; laundry undone; deep satisfaction |
| NOTES: |
Love me some Chocobo racing more than clean underwear |
| YEAR: |
2005 |
| AGE: |
33 |
| LOCATION: |
Trailer home kitchen |
| RESOURCES: |
Compaq Presario; Windows 98; wheat beer |
| ATTIRE: |
T-Shirt; cargo shorts |
| MISSION: |
Collect MAME ROMs of my favorite games |
| RESULT: |
Mission accomplished; laws broken |
| NOTES: |
Not proud and not sorry |
| YEAR: |
2009 |
| AGE: |
37 |
| LOCATION: |
Basement apartment |
| RESOURCES: |
Dell laptop; external monitor; ramen |
| ATTIRE: |
Same t-Shirt; same cargo shorts |
| MISSION: |
Run Quake3 at acceptable frame rate on Linux |
| RESULT: |
Mission accomplished; rail gun expertise gained |
| NOTES: |
Still have the Q3 tin box |
| YEAR: |
2014 |
| AGE: |
42 |
| LOCATION: |
Shop behind garage |
| RESOURCES: |
Caanoo portable gaming device; PC; misc cables; processed meat sticks |
| ATTIRE: |
T-shirt; shorts optional |
| MISSION: |
Load and run MAME ROMs |
| RESULT: |
Mission accomplished; accidentally smashed unrepairable screen 1 month later |
| NOTES: |
Loved this thing; I’m a moron |
| YEAR: |
2015 |
| AGE: |
43 |
| LOCATION: |
Living room |
| RESOURCES: |
PS4; Diablo 3; wife; couple kid-free hours |
| ATTIRE: |
Jammies |
| MISSION: |
Hook my wife on Diablo 3 |
| RESULT: |
Mission accomplished; excess paragon levels achieved |
| NOTES: |
Good couch co-op games are awesome fun |
| YEAR: |
2017 |
| AGE: |
45 |
| LOCATION: |
Living room |
| RESOURCES: |
PS4; Rocket League; wife; ability to ignore kid |
| ATTIRE: |
Jammies |
| MISSION: |
Hook my wife on Rocket League |
| RESULT: |
Mission accomplished; still playing |
| NOTES: |
Good couch co-op games are awesome fun |
| YEAR: |
2018 |
| AGE: |
46 |
| LOCATION: |
Anywhere |
| RESOURCES: |
Nintendo Switch; life savings; wife’s blessing |
| ATTIRE: |
T-shirt; not even pretending to wear pants anymore |
| MISSION: |
Enjoy cool portable gaming system |
| RESULT: |
Mission accomplished; can’t stop playing Zelda |
| NOTES: |
The switch is awesome. I have a PS4 so not really looking for
a console but it rocks as a portable and the ability to use as a console is cool. |
* DUN DUN *
Unencumbered by Facts 