Switching It Up – Personal Gaming History

Editor’s note: I know the author of this blog (he is not me), and I can assure
you that he has confided in me (I am not him), that this is indeed real
(we both know what is real).

Seriously though this is a truthful account as best as I can remember. Also it
helps if you do the Law & Order “DUN DUN” thing in your head before each section.

YEAR: 1982
AGE: 10
LOCATION: Best friends living room
RESOURCES: Atari 2600; Yars’ Revenge cartridge; milk refills
ATTIRE: Horizontal striped turtleneck, matching light blue Toughskins cords
MISSION: Beat Yars’ Revenge
RESULT: Mission failed; friendship maintained; blisters
NOTES: Yar can suck it
YEAR: 1983
AGE: 11
LOCATION: Strip mall arcade
RESOURCES: 5 dollar bill; half pack Big League Chew
ATTIRE: Horizontal striped turtleneck; matching light blue Toughskins cords
MISSION: Spend wad; win games; look cool; avoid inevitable dork move
RESULT: Mission failed; wad spent; games lost; coolness unachievable; dork move successful
NOTES: Got on the leader board of Food Fight once
YEAR: 1985
AGE: 13
LOCATION: Spare room
RESOURCES: Atari 800XL; BASIC cartridge and manual; limited patience
ATTIRE: Over-sized black button down; bright red cuffed pants; knock-off Air Jordans
MISSION: Create my own game
RESULT: Mission failed; rendered single line in 4 hours; high level cursing; surrender
NOTES: If only I had stuck with it
YEAR: 1991
AGE: 19
LOCATION: University of Massachusetts Amherst
RESOURCES: NES; Legend of Zelda cartridge; bong
ATTIRE: LL Bean rugby shirt; kakis
MISSION: Complete Zelda
RESULT: Mission accomplished; classes avoided; bad tone set for future
NOTES: On completion the game reset with new locations, then crashed and wiped
YEAR: 2001
AGE: 29
LOCATION: Trailer home living room
RESOURCES: Playstation; Final Fantasy 7 CD; cats
ATTIRE: Least dirty option
MISSION: Do all the things in FF7
RESULT: Mission accomplished; laundry undone; deep satisfaction
NOTES: Love me some Chocobo racing more than clean underwear
YEAR: 2005
AGE: 33
LOCATION: Trailer home kitchen
RESOURCES: Compaq Presario; Windows 98; wheat beer
ATTIRE: T-Shirt; cargo shorts
MISSION: Collect MAME ROMs of my favorite games
RESULT: Mission accomplished; laws broken
NOTES: Not proud and not sorry
YEAR: 2009
AGE: 37
LOCATION: Basement apartment
RESOURCES: Dell laptop; external monitor; ramen
ATTIRE: Same t-Shirt; same cargo shorts
MISSION: Run Quake3 at acceptable frame rate on Linux
RESULT: Mission accomplished; rail gun expertise gained
NOTES: Still have the Q3 tin box
YEAR: 2014
AGE: 42
LOCATION: Shop behind garage
RESOURCES: Caanoo portable gaming device; PC; misc cables; processed meat sticks
ATTIRE: T-shirt; shorts optional
MISSION: Load and run MAME ROMs
RESULT: Mission accomplished; accidentally smashed unrepairable screen 1 month later
NOTES: Loved this thing; I’m a moron
YEAR: 2015
AGE: 43
LOCATION: Living room
RESOURCES: PS4; Diablo 3; wife; couple kid-free hours
ATTIRE: Jammies
MISSION: Hook my wife on Diablo 3
RESULT: Mission accomplished; excess paragon levels achieved
NOTES: Good couch co-op games are awesome fun
YEAR: 2017
AGE: 45
LOCATION: Living room
RESOURCES: PS4; Rocket League; wife; ability to ignore kid
ATTIRE: Jammies
MISSION: Hook my wife on Rocket League
RESULT: Mission accomplished; still playing
NOTES: Good couch co-op games are awesome fun
YEAR: 2018
AGE: 46
LOCATION: Anywhere
RESOURCES: Nintendo Switch; life savings; wife’s blessing
ATTIRE: T-shirt; not even pretending to wear pants anymore
MISSION: Enjoy cool portable gaming system
RESULT: Mission accomplished; can’t stop playing Zelda
NOTES: The switch is awesome. I have a PS4 so not really looking for
a console but it rocks as a portable and the ability to use as a console is cool.


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